She is sitting in her bed. The bedroom is half-lighted. In front of her the open computer on a little bedtable. Light only comes from the three screens in the room, from her computer, from his iPad and from the TV. Two faces with glasses are reflecting the diffuse light oft the screens.
If people ask me, how are you, you and your husband, I always end with the sentence: „Watches are going different in our life.“ On the one side, it’s a sentence, which I add, that I don’t have to tell them any details, on the other side, it’s a possibility for the partner to imagine, what is going on in our life. In ninetynine percent of all, the talk is finished with this answer – no more interest.
Yesterday there has been a similar talk and for showing the contrast between me and the asker I said once again: „Watches are going different in our life.“
I realize that I’m changing. Good change? Bad change? … I don’t know. Suddenly I can … I am able to reject someone who hurts me … at that moment if it’s necessary … I send the malicious signals back to the person who has sent the injury … so it could be right. Such a rejection feels good. By this way I protect my insight from danger and injuries. Bullets from outside bounce off me – I’ve built a big wall.
What have I done wrong? Continue reading “Suddenly I have changed…”
Pffft tsch tsch … Pffft tsch tsch … the wind flushes the sea water on the pebble beach … pffft tsch tsch … a murmur comes from the right side to my ear – two chairs away a couple talk to each other. The sunbeam bite into my skin. So strong is the sun still on the seventh of October, while it is rainy and cold in our home in Vienna and the people there already need scarf and gloves.
We, mom, her friend and I arrived half an hour ago in Ören here in Turkey and … mum has promised not too much … the beach here is beautiful.
The towering mountains reflect their green in the water.
Two chairs on my left a young girl just leaves the beach. It is 13.15 o’clock. Mum is next to me, holding her nap. I can not sleep. Too many thoughts are in my head. There have been too much impressions in the last few days. If you consider that I have struggled throughout last year almost only with my illness so I did’nt came to think, I now feel suddenly no more ill and I feel like in paradise. Continue reading “Moments #2 – A Cow On The Beach In Ören”
Last night wie talked for a long time, my mummy and I. She has made me a goodnight coffee. Then we remembered the last day.
Then I told her, that she had changed herself a bit during the last two years. She said: „I have not changed – my body has changed. At the moment I get tired more quickly and I need more sleep.“
If mom laughs, then her eyes laughing with. They collapse to small slits and the laugh lines in the corners of her eyes look like small fans. She is happy here in Turkey. Despite big problems she has not lost her ability to be happy although that would sometimes almost happened.
Actually I discover now that we’ve never been really close to us. We believed it, but it wasn’t so. Each of us lived his own life. Once we have seen each other, we are freaking out with joy at seeing us … my brother and I. But … actually he had only his activities and his goals in his mind. He was not really interested in others or me.
Very enthusiastic he was. And that gave him a positive attitude. But this has nothing to do with a genuine interest in the other.
When I look at somebody as my friend, then I ask questions and try to know him better. I think ab out him, try to understand him. I have to control, if I’ve understood him in the right way. And it needs time. Real friendship needs a lot of time and has to be cultivated. Then confidence can grow up and deep feelings of joy about the friendship are caused by this.
This is reflected in the intensity of the conversations. Once I was able to witness an unique conversation. Two famous scientists talked about their research results. If the one said something the other listened attentively. If he had ended, the other made a summary of that what have been said and asked whether he had correctly understood and then he spoke about his researches and opinions. When he had then ended, the other made the same.
It was such a peaceful conversation, despite the ever-recurring disagreements. That was real attention and genuine interest in the way of thinking of the other. And it was a pleasure to listen to the both. This way of communicating had a momentum that was passed on to the listener.
Today I don’t want to spend time to superficial people. They steal my time and usually after such a communication remains a stale aftertaste and a sense of wasted time.
© Maria Fasching
It is dark outside and it is quiet. A bright moonlight is above the small village near the beach. A gentle breeze moves a few leaves on the orange tree … silently. A small lizard Continue reading “Bipolar loves Borderline and vice versa – In the morning – Text #2”
I have a Bipolar Disorder and my husband has a Borderline Personality Disorder. Often people are asking both of us: „How do you get along with each other? Often it is very difficult to get along having such personality disorders? How do you deal with each other?“
Good questions, I think… Continue reading “Bipolar loves Borderline and vice versa – is this possible? – Asking – Text #1”
I’ve just found a great image showing Bipolar Disorder on
showing Bipolar Disorder
This image was drawn by CHARLY CLEMENTS.
I wish you all a happy day!
I’m sitting in front of my computer and I just can’t stop working. I’m obsessed with my new hobby – my new blog and my contacts on the various social platforms. This hobby takes me fully captured. It is already 12.00 pm and I can not make a stop. My husband reminds me that bedtime is long gone.
With a heavy heart and with an immense effort I close all windows on my laptop, and turn it off. Continue reading “Diaryentry – Heart to Heart”