If people ask me, how are you, you and your husband, I always end with the sentence: „Watches are going different in our life.“ On the one side, it’s a sentence, which I add, that I don’t have to tell them any details, on the other side, it’s a possibility for the partner to imagine, what is going on in our life. In ninetynine percent of all, the talk is finished with this answer – no more interest.
Yesterday there has been a similar talk and for showing the contrast between me and the asker I said once again: „Watches are going different in our life.“
I was very surprised because there was a Counter-question: „Please explain, how the watches are going different in your life.“ My opposite was leaning back, taking an expectant attitude as he watched me penetratingly.
I struggled for words and explanation, but then I realised, that it wouldn’t be easy to explain. Also it was the first time, I was asked such a question. Most of the people I speak to believe they know what I mean. I pushed around and tried to explain, but I failed miserably. My counterpart apparently lost interest and turned away a little. That has been sitting. But then I had a good idea. Before this question I told him something about my new blog. In the middle oft he conversation I said: „Now I know the next point to write about on my blog…“ The following question back was: „What about would you write?“ I said: „I would write about the meaning of „watches are going different in our life“ – And now this is the point:
Watches are going different in our life…
At first for information, I’m suffered from a Bipolar Disorder and my husband is suffered from a Borderline-Personality-Disorder. There are five big parts of „watches are going different“:
Slowlyness in our life or decelerated life
We don’t hurry. Our physical effects of our disorders force us, to switch in our head and to counter. If there is hypomania or a depression in my life, I need a strength force to have an effect on the vibration of the cells or to have an effect on the nearly death cells in my body. The aim is, to reach a little bit of normality. Slowlyness has a positive effect on the magnitudes. It’s is the same in my husbands life – over a long time he has learned so called skills to reduce the tensions inside – sometimes he has better times then worse times. He needs all of his concentration to do this. Our focus then is pointed inside us and this has the effect to be very slow outside. This kind of way increases until slowly and cautiously speaking, with the aim not to increase the tensions inside. In this sense „watches are going slowlyer than in lifes of other people“.
Sleeping rhythm and Awaking rythm
Our two bodies have their own sleeping rhythm, if we don’t do anything. I mean the phases when I come over without medicamentation. There is the possibility to come to an regulatet rythm of sleeping and being awake by taking special medicaments. But there are so many sideeffects on my feeling inside. This so called phase prophylaxis affects my emotional life very strongly, because of this effects I often decide to take no medicaments. But often I have to take my pills, especially on days or nights when I cannot sleep any more or if the contrast side apears, if a big depression comes to stay awake. My husbands way is similar, he doesn’t take pills for sleeping. In reality: We sleep if we become sleepy – that can be the day long, or in the night. Im my case it is so: I get sleepy at about 11 o’clock pm – then I go to bed. I wake up then often at 1 o’clock am or at 3 o’clock am. I take it like it comes. I don’t think: „Oh it’s night … I’ve to sleep now!“ Or the other side I don’t think when I’m tired during the day, that I may not sleep, because it’s not night.
Talking and silcence
We both speak and do not speak to each other, how we need it. We watch each other. For this we both need greatest attention and ability to observe. We want to respect each other. There are the needs of me, and there are the needs of my partner. Often silence displaces all our talking in this phases. In this phases we have to concentrate on ourself.
Expectations on our lifes
In this point we are very modest. We take all days how they come and take the best possible way. That means, the first time after such sleeping-phases we perceive each other and ask each other how we are, like this: „Good morning my dear, how are you today? Do you feel any pain? How was the night? Did you sleep well?“ or „How does your body feel at the moment?“ and other questions. After answering this kind of questions we make plans fort he day. Of course we also make plans fort he week, the months or the year, but we are flexible and we know these are not fixed plans but variable. Often we plan an activity in the evening, but at about 3 o’clock pm we notice, that our plans are not possible to be done, because our body doesn’t work in a normal way for example because of pains or other uncomfortability. In this case we have to relocate. Sure, often that’s not easy. But this all is a good way for us – we live with a highly increased flexibility.
Reduction of social contacts
It is not good, but fact is that our social contacts have been reduced to a minimum during the last years. Many of the people don’t understand us – but they don’t even try to understand us. Often there are many fears to get in contact with us. Often they don’t want to disturb us. If they see, we are sleeping during the day, people don’t want to call us. I’ve often said them, that it is no problem for us if they wake us up. But nothing helps. Sometimes contact to us is too much fort hem because we need flexibility. They are not ready for such kind of compassion. For example: We are invited for dinner. But we often have to cancel because of our bodies. No later than twice invitations, they don’t invite uns any more. During the last year there wasn’t one invitation. The other side, often or most of my time I’m not able to invite my friends, because I’m totally overwhelmed. Additionally, most of the people are busy with their own aims and valences or with their own disorders. – I’m struggling very hard with this. But I’ve discovered the internet form e. During the last two months I’ve had so many contacts because of my new blog I’ve never had during the last five years. The positive sideeffect is, that I can find many people with similar problems.
© Image and Text Maria Fasching